No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
