She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
