Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
