Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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