Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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