Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
