you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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