Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Your dad touched me again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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