I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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