TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize