we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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