God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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