I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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