Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize