I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
