Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
