i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm too high and old for this...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
