By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
