Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
