When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
