About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
