Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
