Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
