38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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