I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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