Dude my mom stole all your condoms
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
