Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
