You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
