We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
