Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
