He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize