woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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