My nipple is on Facebook.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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