2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At least make sure they are 18
Why
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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