If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
