Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
