you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
