So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
