my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
