So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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