My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
