Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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