I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
