why didn't you poke me back
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
