i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
