Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
