i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
