so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
