So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
