DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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