I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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