Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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