I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize