you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
