Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize