How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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