If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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