you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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