I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
