is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
