I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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