her vagine was all disorganized.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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