it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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