Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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