It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
