i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
