About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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