The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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