Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize