The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
