my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And then he peed in my hair
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