Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize