New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
