yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
