I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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