Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
