Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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