just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize