Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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