White coat. Heels.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize