My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
