what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
