im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
