I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
