Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
