I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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