it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
