need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
