I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
