so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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