did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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