Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
