3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
