Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize