Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
