someone threw a dead crab at me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize