i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I believe in your delicious
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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