My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
