He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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