Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I had to cum in my sink.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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