This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
